Fear... we've all been there

A thread to talk about that crummy, sucky Fear Mindset. Does this mindset seem familiar? (If so we get it and we’re sorry.) Share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with – past experiences, how you cope, and any other thoughts on the fear mindset.

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Am I the first to comment? This is something I see creators and artists talk about all the time. I certainly experience it.

As a NSFW creator (nude and boudoir lingerie work, non-explicit) I’m constantly in fear of being kicked off of places. I try to follow rules, but some sites are so ambiguous!

One time I was using a social media scheduler called Buffer to share my links and was paying for the premium version. Some of the previews were nude, but again, not explicit. I reviewed the TOS before I started using it. There was nothing about nudity or adult content. So one day I had a problem with how images were displaying. So I contacted customer service. I got a reply to my issue saying I was kicked off. I spoke to one of their people on Twitter and she apologized and said that they had rules that all nudity was porn and would not be allowed. I was crushed! Not just because I lost part of my social promotion flow, but because of how they handled it. I was being told my work that I fight every day to present as my creativity and art was being dismissed as porn.

And then we had the recent Tumblr banning of all “adult” content. PayPal’s seeming hatred of all things sensual, sexy, etc. They’re even shutting off burlesque performers now. At one point Instagram (my main source of Patrons) was shadow banning and all out banning lingerie collector accounts and models, yet accounts like Playboy and others that aren’t run by models themselves are allowed to continue posting stuff none of us ever could.

And even with Patreon I fear one day it will be decided we all have to go. And then I wonder: what will I do if that happens? I can’t just launch my own site because no payment processors will work with me simply because of my nudes. There aren’t any other “good” platforms that don’t allow porn that do allow artistic nudity. I’ve tried a few and their awful. And the rest would lump me in with porn and then I just get constant requests to do “more” than I do and everybody finds me boring. Plus, my fans like supporting me as an artists. Many of them don’t want the association with a porn site.

I feel like I’ve worked so hard to build every platform and to follow the rules. I’ve never done the scammy or underhanded things to get likes. Yet every day I wonder if I’ll wake up and my 28k Instagram followers will be gone.

And yeah, I worry about losing the income too. When my fridge died, it was my Patreon funds that paid to replace it. Same with when my oven quit, when my basement flooded due to pipe clogs, and when my father passed and my siblings needed money to afford clothes and to take the days off work. My husband’s income pays our day to day, but we don’t have a lot of savings for emergencies so that’s how I utilize my Patreon funds in addition to funding improvements to my creativity. So the loss of that income is always a concern.

The other thing is, Patreon is the only “job” I’ve ever had that I felt fulfilled in and that I could keep up with. I have chronic pain issues and I don’t/can’t drive. It makes me feel like I’m a real, functional person. I don’t make that much (about $1.2k a month), but more than I’ve ever made at any other job. So I think the fear of losing that scares me too.

As far as how I handle it… I try to diversify and try different things. So far I haven’t found anything nearly as successful as Patreon for me, but trying new things can be fun. I also talk about it with other creators and we bounce ideas off each other. My husband assures me that we would be okay which does help and he is pretty good at distracting me. I’m a worrier so that can be tough.

I kind of did the mind dump thing here as my “share”. Hopefully that’s okay.

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Hello @dekilah! Thank you so much for this thoughtful share. You fears are so real and very valid. I’m here to listen and know others are benefitting from learning about your experience, too. :heart:

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I’m glad patreon lets you create your art. It’s super frustrating seeing all these other platforms reject indie adult creators — usually women and queer folk — but will happily do business with corporations profiting off adult creators/artists. The whole thing is maddeningly unfair.

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What you’ve said, @ansela.corsino, is something I’ve experienced more and more. Instagram is a great example. Women like myself, other models, lingerie collectors, etc are constantly in fear that we’ll be shutdown. However, accounts like Playboy can post photos that we female creators could never expect to be allowed to post.

That’s why having a home where I’m respected and treated like an artist instead of a commodity for another company to use is so nice for me. It’s also been an incredible shift that has freed models from being so dependent on male photographers. Before Patreon, we were dependent on those photographers to hire us for shoots and unfortunately that sometimes meant putting up with poor behavior. Patreon has been a huge breath of fresh air that has evened the “playing field” for models. We can now shoot what we want with who we want and be funded by our Patrons and we don’t have to decide between putting up with poor behavior or not getting paid. I don’t know if that’s ever been vocalized to Patreon staff, but it’s been a wonderful thing for the freelance model and photographer community. :slightly_smiling_face:

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